Mariska Hargitay’s Dad Mickey Gave Her Some Profound Marriage Advice: “Find Out…”
As Law & Order: Special Victims Unit legend Mariska Hargitay continues to thrive alongside her husband of 21 years, Peter Hermann, she recently revealed that it’s in part thanks to a crucial piece of advice she got from her father when she was younger.
During an October 2025 appearance on the Good Hang with Amy Poehler podcast, Hargitay opened up about how her father encouraged her to prioritize herself over Mr. Perfect. Hargitay is the daughter of Hollywood actor and former Mr. Universe Mickey Hargitay, and he was keen to give the SVU star some advice when it came to the divine timing of romance.
“That was another thing that my dad said to me,” Hargitay shared with Amy Poehler. “He goes, ‘Mariska, find out where you’re going, and then who’s coming with you.'”
“Oh, that’s so good,” Poehler marveled.
Her father’s advice inspired Hargitay to wait for the right man to come along, as she meanwhile became one of the most esteemed actresses in primetime television. After three seasons of SVU, Hargitay met guest star Peter Hermann, who played defense attorney Trevor Langan, while filming a 2003 episode — and the timing was just right.
Mariska Hargitay’s father’s advice set her for success with Peter Hermann
“You have such a wonderful partner in Peter,” Poehler told Hargitay, commending their marriage for being a fun-filled union. “You enjoy each other.”
Hargitay shared the story of how she and Hermann got married when she was 40 after dating for two years. Once engaged, they got married within four months because SVU was on hiatus at the time.
“Chop, chop!” Hargitay teased while reminiscing about her Big Day with her husband. Hargitay had waited for the one to come along, so it didn’t take long for them to tie the knot and begin their happily-ever-after.
“I’m so grateful,” Hargitay said of her love story with Hermann. “For me, I don’t think I could have handled a marriage earlier. I don’t think I’d be married. I was just had too much to learn.”
While chatting about how she met Hermann while on the set of SVU, she revealed that it was Hermann’s ability to riff and joke around with Hargitay and her and fellow SVU icon Christopher Meloni that registered as a green flag for the SVU star. Meloni and Hargitay had developed a “love language” centered around “hard teasing” and playful banter — and Hargitay admitted it could be hard to play on her and Meloni’s level.
After many more green flags and a family later, Hermann and Hargitay continue laughing, inspiring Poehler to ask what Hargitay’s communication style was like with her husband. “It’s so genius,” Hargitay said, adding that she wished it were something she “could teach.”
So, what’s Hargitay and Hermann’s secret to happiness for over two decades and counting? A “brilliant” combination of humor and healthy communication when navigating tension.
“There’s this brilliant thing we do — and I think it’s brilliant because it’s comedy and always works — where we do this thing where we switch roles,” Hargitay explained, adding that they have developed a rapport of communicating concerns in a light-hearted, jovial way.
It’s hard to stay frustrated about the small stuff when laughing. But the switching of roles and humor make it so that they really “get” each other. And it’s a rapport they’ve developed among their children, as well.
“In our house, the comedy thing, we just rip on the kids,” Hargitay teased. “I just say, ‘Don’t do that, ’cause if you do that, you’re a hack and a loser. Is that what you want to be? Is that what you want to be?’ And people come over, and they don’t know us, and they’re like, ‘Oh s—.”